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· Premium Member
751 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator


Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are

yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and

contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my

plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your

food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in

the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a

racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you

can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am

very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping

on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats

can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not

necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched

out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that

sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out

on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the

bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and

manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,

whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the

edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the

same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom

for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go

smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this


Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the

following message on the front door:



(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't

want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like

my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you,

they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who

are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak


Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

(1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3)

are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5)

never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with

drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8)

don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to

buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion

dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can

sell their children

· Premium Member
2,004 Posts
My sons dog is on the couch at my feet right now. He is a welcome member to my house and he will always be my Buddy.

· Premium Member
106 Posts
Thats funny. And very true. For some odd reason my dog really likes to sleep in my spot on the bed when I am not there.

On the Fourth of July I ended up in an arguement with my sister in law over my dog because he was running in the yard having fun. He would come up to the their kids, say hi and give a lick, then go run. She did not like that and her daughter does not like dogs. I told here to live with it and that it is his house that she is at. The dog was being good, as I was watching him. He just wanted to make sure they were who he thought they were.

So, the next week she brings home a new puppy, go figure.

Our one cat has claimed one of the chairs that we have, she just loves to sleep on top of it.

It is relaxing to sit and have the dog head in the lap as you watch the car shows. Just wish I could train him to help in the garage. All he wants to do is go for rides!!!


· Premium Member
1,108 Posts
I love the last sentence.....(11) If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

If only...........:D


· Registered
835 Posts
I am reading this sitting on the very edge of the couch because the dog is layed out with his head on the pillow behind me. And I really wish I could make him understand this part:

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a

racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you

can run.

We finally got a good handle on the housebreaking so we are getting along much better:hurray:
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