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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Some of you may know that about a year ago my wife and I moved into her grandmothers house to take care of here after her Husband of 60 years passed away. She has been diagnosed with dementia but I think it`s pretty much alzheimers. At first it wasn`t too bad but she really has a thing for my wife meaning she thinks my wife is the devil pretty much and is always the one to set her off. This is completely not true of course. The last few months she has gotten really bad. She gets what they call "sun downers" and freaks out alot lately when it starts to get dark and several times she just gets up and walks out of the house. My wifes mom lives next door but her grandmother must forget they live there bwecause she passes their house every time and gets around the corner and stops and looks around like she is totaly lost. About a week ago she actually hit me several times in the chest because I would`nt let her leave the house. She has a very bad knee and half of one of her lungs was removed so she is in danger to herself with just that. My wife is getting to the point where she can`t control her anger and actually wanted to hit her grandmother tonight but she didn`t. My wife is also pregnant and due in July. I take control and talk her grandmother "off the ledge" and get her to calm down and she usually goes to bed afterwords but my wife is worried that she miht snap and try to attach us in the middle of the night. By the way, most of this happens in front of my 3 year old daughter. We get her out of the room asap but she always seems to want to see whats going on for some reason.

I`m at my wits here here guys. Not only do I have to defuse the grandmother but I have to get my wife to stop budding in and calling her names and yelling at her as well. My wifes uncle takes care of her during the day and as soon as he leaves is when she snaps. She also goes to a group 2 days a week to get her out fo the house and she doesn`t see my wifes uncle those days so she usually snaps then too. Is there any medication she can be put on to help her with the sun downers stuff? She`s on 7 pills a day now but I don`t know what they are for.

We are just about ready to leave but we can`t afford it just yet. My wifes mom totaly understands our part and said anytime we want to move they would help us with the deposit. Her uncle seems to be in deniale about everything and doesn`t think she needs to be in a home but everyone else feels she would be better off in a place where the people are trained to handle this stuff and not personaly connected to the person.

I`m sorry, I don`t have anyone to talk to about this and I don`t know what else to do.
 

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Anthony
I know exactly what you are going through. My mother inlaw lived with us for over 25 years and came down with alzheimers. We had to put her in a home.
We tried to take care of her ourselves but it is very dificult to care for them.
She began to get violent and had all kinds of hallucinations of different monsters.
Once we got her into a home where the routine was set and they are able to monitor her and get her on the proper meds it got better.
Change seems to be one of the things that can really set her off.
I would try and get her into a home. IMHO its best for all concerened.
Good luck.
Kim
 

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Yeah, I agree, you need to get the doctor involved. Get people that are trained to handle Alzheimers to care for the Grandmother. The situation does not sound good and is not healthy for your wife, 3yr old, or yourself. Plus, with a baby on the way, the situation is just going to get worse.

As a side note, there is insurance offered these days that covers the cost of a person that requires assisted living. Doesn't help your situation, but for those reading and may not know about it, it may help. My Mom signed up for the insurance, which costs ~$2,000/yr., but thats a fraction of the yearly cost should she end up in a assisted living home.

I hope things work out for the best.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks everyone. My wifes mother is on our side and agrees that she needs profesional care but he brother, my wifes uncle, doesn`t think she needs it. We all think it`s because then he would have to get a real job and he`s been technicaly unemployed for almost 2 years now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Yeah, I agree, you need to get the doctor involved. Get people that are trained to handle Alzheimers to care for the Grandmother. The situation does not sound good and is not healthy for your wife, 3yr old, or yourself. Plus, with a baby on the way, the situation is just going to get worse.

As a side note, there is insurance offered these days that covers the cost of a person that requires assisted living. Doesn't help your situation, but for those reading and may not know about it, it may help. My Mom signed up for the insurance, which costs ~$2,000/yr., but thats a fraction of the yearly cost should she end up in a assisted living home.

I hope things work out for the best.
Yeah we`ve heard about the medical thing but they won`t cover the housing unless she has absolutly nothing to her name. She has the house which has a reverse mortage and about $100k in cash and stocks. If it were up to use and my wifes mom, she would be ina home.
 

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Why wait til she has nothing. Use some of those assets to get her into managed care. Let her last years be in comfort. IMO she earned those assets let her consume them to live comfortably. My Grandma has a nice place and was living there before medicare had to kick in and cover her. It actually helped to be "in place" to get the medicare backed residence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Why wait til she has nothing. Use some of those assets to get her into managed care. Let her last years be in comfort. IMO she earned those assets let her consume them to live comfortably. My Grandma has a nice place and was living there before medicare had to kick in and cover her. It actually helped to be "in place" to get the medicare backed residence.

Thats a very good idea. The thing is that we wanted to try to buy trhe house that has been in the family since my wifes grandfather had built in 1959 and we are not able to do it right now. The reverse mortgage requires a 100% payback once the grandmother is no longer living there. I think we might have up to a year but thet`s not even long enough for us to come up with money to buy the house. At this point my wife and I are fed up and no longer care about buying the house and we are seriously considering moving out of state by the end of the year. That will definatly force the uncle to decide what he needs to do.
 

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i feel for you-my mom got it at an early stage, all they want to do is eat, and go off to god knows where-we had to lock her in the house, lock the fridge-its a sad deal, their life is over, and so is the lives of those around them for a while
be careful of nursing homes, some want you to sign over any property to them
we finally had to put my mom in one, but were able to handle it with her savings and a little extra-hate to say it, but you wish they would just pass away in the night peacefully
of course, as i get older, i worry about wether i will get it, i find i dont remember some stuff, but i guess if i can remember that i couldnt remember im ok
i wish they could find something to help, they are now leaning toward getting older people to read more, use their minds more, seems to help some
good luck, do what you have to, you have your life to live, these are your years now
 

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Same condition as my father had, alzheimers/dementia. He was such a nice friendly guy, but when he got a medicine that didn't agree with him or the sun went down, he could become really hard headed. I dreaded the times I had him in the hospital and had to stay with him all nite.

I put him in a nice nursing home, where they moved him to the demential ward within 3 months. After a couple months, he felt at home and most of the time he was his old self, even though, he didn't really know who his old self was!

I knew that putting him in was the best I could do for him, there was no way any of us could have cared for him at home. This is a hard decision, but it is what is best for the patient.

My wife was director of the alzheimers unit and is a state certified alzheimers instructor. I have learned that this disease is hard for all, there is no easy treatment/solution. Being in a care facility is usually the best care you can get.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
i feel for you-my mom got it at an early stage, all they want to do is eat, and go off to god knows where-we had to lock her in the house, lock the fridge-its a sad deal, their life is over, and so is the lives of those around them for a while
be careful of nursing homes, some want you to sign over any property to them
we finally had to put my mom in one, but were able to handle it with her savings and a little extra-hate to say it, but you wish they would just pass away in the night peacefully
of course, as i get older, i worry about wether i will get it, i find i dont remember some stuff, but i guess if i can remember that i couldnt remember im ok
i wish they could find something to help, they are now leaning toward getting older people to read more, use their minds more, seems to help some
good luck, do what you have to, you have your life to live, these are your years now
We have to lock our fridge too. It`s not thet she wants to eat all the time it`s that she forgets that she did eat and thinks she needs to eat again. She use to only eat cheetos and diet pepsi before we moved in. She still goes on a binge sometimes if we leave something out where she can get it. We end up having to throw it out because she never washes her hands. She hates water for some reason. t`s like pulling teeth to get her in the shower and even then I think she just wipes down with a wash cloth.

Same condition as my father had, alzheimers/dementia. He was such a nice friendly guy, but when he got a medicine that didn't agree with him or the sun went down, he could become really hard headed. I dreaded the times I had him in the hospital and had to stay with him all nite.

I put him in a nice nursing home, where they moved him to the demential ward within 3 months. After a couple months, he felt at home and most of the time he was his old self, even though, he didn't really know who his old self was!

I knew that putting him in was the best I could do for him, there was no way any of us could have cared for him at home. This is a hard decision, but it is what is best for the patient.

My wife was director of the alzheimers unit and is a state certified alzheimers instructor. I have learned that this disease is hard for all, there is no easy treatment/solution. Being in a care facility is usually the best care you can get.

Sounds like my wifes grandmother. They call it sundowners and I thought she was ona medication for it but maybe not. When we first moved in she would peek at us. She would sneak down the hall and crouch down and peek at us through the kitchen. I finally went around the other way and caught her in the act and scared her, not intentionaly though. I just told her to stop doing it as it scared my wife. She stoppped but then just last night she went off to her bedroom and I peeked down the hall to see if her door was closed and she was peeking down the hall at us and saw me looking and finaly came down and said she was going to lay down. She took off her shoes and got into bed. After a while my wife went down there and asked if she wanted to get into a nightgown and she snapped and ended up leaving but i got her to come back. Something has got to happen soon because she has left the house 2 times this week already. Seems the more time that goes by the more angry she gets.
 
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