ROTFLMFAO
I've got one told to me recently. I'll try and make it TC friendly.
Ok, in the same vain:
A guy walks into the doctors office, complaining that all his life he's had a really deep voice, indeed, his voice is a boomy, thundery baritone that is hard to understand. He complains that its hard for him to talk to people since they don't know what he is saying, and when he was a kid, everyone made fun of him. He had a hard time getting a date, because girls were intimidated by his voice. He's never been with a woman, and can't hold down a job, and he can't even get his car fixed, all because he has such trouble communicating with the world.
The doctor agrees to examine the man, and spends a long time looking in his mouth. He frowns, unable to find anything wrong. He asks the man to disrobe so that he can take a few xrays.
The man does what the doctor wants, putting on a paper gown. But when he steps into the room with the xray machine, the doctor is flabergasted, because the paper gown is not long enough to cover the mans "parts". Facinated, he asks the man to remove the gown and the man complies.
"Here is your problem!" the doctor says. "Your 'parts' are so big, they are pulling down on your vocal cords, causing you deep voice!"
"Are you sure?" the man asks.
"Absolutely, there is a tribe in Africa like this, everyone of them has this physical trait, and every one of them has a super-deep voice."
"Oh no," the man says. "So there's nothing you can do to help me?"
"Well," the doc says, "we could try sugery. If we reduce the size a bit, it won't pull down so hard, and your voice should become normal."
The man thinks about it for a minute, considering what he'd be giving up. Ubruptly, he makes a decision. "Let's do it!"
"Ok," the doc says. "We can do it the 15th of next month."
"What?!?" the man exclaims. "Why so far away? I was hoping for something a little sooner."
"I can't," says the doc. "I'm leaving for Hawaii this afternoon. I'll be there a whole month!"
"Oh, no," the man says. "I can't possibly wait that long. Can't you do something today? It would really mean a lot to me!"
"Well...." the doc stalls thinking we wanted to spend the afternoon playing golf.
"I'll double your fee!" the man says.
"Ok, ok," the doc says. "You're already here and already changed, just go into the room next door and lie on a bed, and I'll get you down to surgery right away."
"Great!" the man says, and does just that.
The operation goes perfectly. The doctor successfully makes the man a little more average, and does such a good job he is certain the area will heal up without a scar. Even better, the man's vocal cords don't seem to be under any strain anymore.
Waiting outside the operating theatre, the nurse notices that the doctor refuses the assistance of anyone else, and doesn't even let anyone else in the room. She assumes that it is to protect the man's dignity. But she does notice that the surgery takes over twice as long as it was scheduled to, and when the job is done, the doctor is running a bit late for his flight. When she tries to question the doctor on his way out, he just shakes his head and runs out. The nurse realizes he has to get straight to the airport, since the plane leaves in less than 45 minutes.
The nurse complies, and then goes to check on the man. He is just waking up. She asks him how he feels and when he replies that he is feeling great, he is astonished to hear his voice a normal, pleasing tone.
"This is fabulous!" he says, and kisses the nurse. "Thank you so much!"
"It wasn't me," the nurse says. "All the credit belongs to the doc. He did it all by himself."
"Well where is he? the man asks. "I want to shake his hand!"
"You can't," she replies. "He's already left for the airport."
The man shakes his head in dismay and promises to return after the doctor gets back from vacation, to thank him personally.
A month goes by, and the man is as good as his word. He shows up at the docs office. The doc is sitting dreamily at his desk, deeply tanned, and obviously thinking about the wonderful vaction he just had. The man shakes the doc's hand enthusiastically, then gives in and gives the surprised doc a hug. "You won't believe it!" the man says, in a perfectly normal medium-toned voice, completely unlike the bass rumble he used to speak in. "Since the surgery, I've landed a job making commercials on the radio. They say I have the perfect voice!"
The doc looks very impressed.
"And with my new job, I was able to get rid of my old, broken down car, and buy a new one. It's a BMW!"
The doc looks even more impressed.
"And last week, I was cruising around in the Beamer, with the top down, and I met a gorgeous young lady. She's wonderful! We're going to get married as soon as possible, and I want you to come!"
The doc shakes his head in amazement, not sure what to say in the face of such life changing events. He starts to ask the man a question, but the man is so excited, he presses on.
"It's a whole new me!" he exclaims. "And it's all thanks to you!" He embraces the doc again, and holds the hug this time, not letting go, tears of happiness spilling out his eyes.
The doc pats him on the back. moved to silence by the mans show of gratitude.
Finally, the man regains his composure, and speaks again, still holding the embrace. "There's just one question I had about the surgery," he says. He finally pulles away from the hug, but leaves his hands on the docs shoulders. He holds the doc at arms length in that position, so he can look right into the docs eyes. "What ever did you do with the section you cut out?"
The doc shrugs his shoulders and speaks in a low, bass rumble the man can barely understand: "Oh, I don't know, its around here someplace..."
<phew> that was longer than I thought it would be
