[Stalkingbear]

I thought this was pretty funny....




The difference between the north and the south . . .



. . . at last, clearly explained:



The North has Bloomingdale's - - - the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses - - - the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services - - - the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives - - - the South has .45s

The North has double last names - - - the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races - - - the South has stock car r aces.

The North has Cream of Wheat - - - the South has grits.

The North has green salads - - - the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters - - - the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt - - - the South has the Bible Belt.



FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH...


In the South:



If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic.

Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.

Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.

This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease.

You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.

They can't understand you either.



The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy.

Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.

All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin'... is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way.

These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow,

your presence is required at the local grocery store.

It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not.

You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,

they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners.

After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

 

[SHIFTY4]

ummmm... and this explanation comes from a guy from Oregon

 

[Stalkingbear]

Haaa! Hey, I lived in Mississippi, Arizona, been to Louisiana , Georgia, Florida, Texas....

Good comment! Made me chuckle!

 

[ssal396]

Good stuff..

 

[Jeffry72]

Thanks for the laugh Mikey-Bob!

 

[SHIFTY4]

Haaa! Hey, I lived in Mississippi, Arizona, been to Louisiana , Georgia, Florida, Texas....

Good comment! Made me chuckle!

GOOD !!! you took it as it was intended :thumbsup:

 

[bikeron]

North? South? Where is that? I live in the West. My Father told me there is nothing East of the Rockies. An earthquake came and it all sunk into the Atlantic!

Ron

 

[Chevelle_Nut]

100% right. (BTW my inlaws met at a family reunion) :yes:



OK, family reunions around here often involve friends too. They met that way many years ago.

Deep Southerners also have a strong family history. I live on a road that was named after my wife's grandfather. Her grandparents were across the street neighbors growing up, they never lived anywhere but on that road, her grandmother is still alive. The whole road is really nothin but family, it comes in handy for neighborhood watches or when you need help. The kids can also roam around and you don't worry about them. Also, if you want to shoot something or build something nobody cares, it is your business. I wouldn't trade the country life for nothin.

 

[Highway Star]

Pretty funny. Not all true, but funny. Take it from me, being a Central NY guy that relocated to the DEEP SOUTH a few years back.

 

[Bunz-T]

Some corrections

Bloomingdales.......We have Neiman-Marcus...There are a lot of rich hicks.

Family Renunions......Had a couple get a divorce the other day and after the papers were finalized the woman became very distraught. After trying to comfort her he asked why is it you are so upset? She replied I just really do not know how I am going to adjust to this. He said ....Do not worry yourself so much . We may not be married anymore but we will still be cousins.

How come most of the fastest growing cities are in the Southern part of this country.

YA'LL have a great one!

 

[Highway Star]

How come most of the fastest growing cities are in the Southern part of this country.

YA'LL have a great one!

There must have been a lot of family reunions lately!!!!!! l

 

[Bunz-T]

And it must look like fun to all these snow birds.

 

[GAGE 1959]

What happen's when a GEORGIA cracker move's north ?

 

[Beaux]

Good stuff. lol

Some additions

North has guitars and South has banjos

North has teeth and the South....well......admires our "pretty mouths"

Lastly - The North WON

 

[jpete]

Be aware that all this applies north of Massachusetts. I went to the family reunion halfway up into Maine and saw my first bait vending machine. Y'all got them down there? Maine is also famous for exchanges like "Where does this road go? Don't go anywhere, stays right here." And the word "Ayuh" pronounced as a sharp, short inhalation of air, is an answer in the affirmative.

 

[Chevelle_Nut]

Yup we have bait vending machines. On the school lunch menus in NC Moon Pies are considered nutricious. Nothing better than a Cheerwine and Moon Pie. Oh, when you ask for tea it will be sweet iced tea. Black eyed peas and collard greens are a New Years Eve must.

 

[Beaux]

In the North they have lawn furniture. In the South they have car parts.

 

[Chevelle_Nut]

And we love our car parts. We put our best furniture on the front porch too.

If you have a house that is mobile an 6 cars that aren't, You might be a *******. -- Jeff Foxworthy

 

[highlandlake]

Also, if you want to shoot something or build something nobody cares, it is your business. I wouldn't trade the country life for nothin.

Wish some of that good attitude would spread up here. I live in the country too, but if I took a shot at something the event would be in the town paper, and if I built something the code enforcement officer would quickly drive down my unpaved private road to make inquiries after someone complained.

And if I pluck one friggin' water weed from the lake near the dock some busybody will report the matter to the local DEP office.
That's the North for ya.....

But I was able to shoot a nice deer with a bow next to the house one afternoon. (in season) It ran and dropped 25 yards away in the neighbors back yard. I waited till almost dark and grabbed a leg, quickly hauled it over the stone wall back to my yard and then into the garage huffing and puffing out of breath before anyone saw me.

Down south I bet I wouldn't have had to hide the fact - the neighbors probably would have cracked open a beer and said "gut that thing right thar - toss the innards to the dog's and we'll put some tenderloins on the grill - Lori-Ann! Put away the Spagetti-O's and pour some charcoal in the grill - he shot that deer before I did!"

.

 

[highlandlake]

Oh, when you ask for tea it will be sweet iced tea.

I can't understand why something that good is so hard to find up here.

A couple times a year I fly into New Bern, N.C. and I go straight to a small restaurant to eat and get a big bucket of ice tea to drink. It's awesome. I drink it by the gallon as long as I'm down there.

Even the barbeque joints in Maine have sucky ice tea.

.