Two scientists walk into a bar... - Page 4 - Chevelle Tech
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post #46 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 24th, 16, 1:10 PM
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Ron
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the sh!t out of their dogs.




Why did the Blonde snort Nutra-sweet?

She thought it was diet Coke.

Ron
'87 Camaro IROC-Z L98
'69 300 Deluxe SS396


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post #47 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 24th, 16, 2:07 PM
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Ready for more than a one liner??

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that she was heading straight towards his seat.

As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out "business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "business." I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at the convention?" "Lecture," she responded.

"I am the lead lecturer where I use information that I have learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent that are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with the absolutely best stamina is the Southern Redneck"

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.

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post #48 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 26th, 16, 11:10 AM Thread Starter
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Tim
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

I got an email from my boss today telling me that my "ADD is out of control and that he had to let me go".
He said "I hope you will be OK and I know you will find another job".


As I sat there reading his email,all I could think of is,Huh,doesn't the OK look like a stick figure laying on his side??
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post #49 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 26th, 16, 5:57 PM
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Larry
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Engineer was out walking and met his fellow engineer riding a new bike. they stopped to talk and the first engineer asks the other: "where did you get that great bike?' Engineer answered: Yesterday, I was out walking and met this beautiful woman riding this bike. We stopped to talk and conversation went very well. Suddenly she took off all her clothes and said: "you can have anything you want!" Engineer says: "I took the bike; None of the clothes would have fit me!"
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post #50 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 26th, 16, 8:08 PM
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Little Johnny finally made it to college. The math instructor informs the class that there will be no excuses for missing the final exam next week. Little Johnny raised his hand and said to the instructor "what if I'm sexually exhausted" The math instructor looks at Johnny and says "I will let you write with your other hand"
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post #51 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 26th, 16, 8:12 PM
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Good one no one usually gets one up on little Johnny

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post #52 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 26th, 16, 8:58 PM
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

How many Forum forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to ask that it be moved to the Lighting section

2 to argue then ask that it be moved to the Electrical section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this
discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy
the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique
and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected
URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start
it all over again.

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post #53 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 26th, 16, 10:43 PM
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dan
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Hey that's funny! I'm a journeyman electrician and the lamp comment really made me laugh. Although not as much as the comment about reviving old threads!
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post #54 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 16, 12:13 AM
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John
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

....you forgot the stat of members telling to upgrade to LED.......


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post #55 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 16, 9:20 AM
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Steve
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
How many Forum forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to ask that it be moved to the Lighting section

2 to argue then ask that it be moved to the Electrical section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this
discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy
the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique
and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected
URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start
it all over again.
.......do you ever get time to work on an actual Chevelle?

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

The '68 L79 Malibu survivor as found in Nov. 2014, in my profile pic.
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post #56 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 16, 11:20 AM
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Gene
 
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philip View Post
How many Forum forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed....

.....1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start
it all over again.
And 1 member to blame it on Obama, having the post get moved to Current Events.

68 SS396
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post #57 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 16, 5:00 PM
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Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

And,5 to post in before the lock......
Welcome to Instant Rimshot

thanks Andy

John
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406 SBC M21 3.31 12 bolt
"Quality is always remembered,long after the price is forgotten"
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post #58 of 59 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 16, 6:35 PM
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Ed
 
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Posts: 851
Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

Did someone say engineer?
An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer were discussing what kind of engineer God was.
Electrical said God was a electrical engineer, look at on the functions of the body that are controlled by electricity.
Mechanical says no way, God is a mechanical engineer, just look at the design of the muscles and bone structure that allows the body to function.
Civil engineer says you are both wrong, God is a civil engineer, who else would put a playground next a sewer treatment plant.
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post #59 of 59 (permalink) Old Jan 1st, 17, 12:35 AM
Rowan
 
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Posts: 16
Re: Two scientists walk into a bar...

We're a punny lot aren't we. Keep it coming though! I haven't heard this version of the H2O2 joke before. It's a nice change from the original!

Rowan Webb

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