A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber
whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid
in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two
quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid
never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same
young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you
take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the
day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect loaded Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say! If you farted just touching it, you're gonna * when you hear the price."

LOL, very funny. THe first one is good.

A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City. He told the Sales lady, "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B".

With a quizzical look, the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"

He repeated, "A Baptist bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist bra and that you would know what she wanted."

"Ah, now I remember," Said the saleslady, "we don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type".

Confused and a little flustered, the man asked, "So what are the differences?"

The lady responded, "Well, it's really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses,

The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen,

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."

He mused at that for a moment and then asked, "So, what is the Baptist type for?"

"They", she replied, "make mountains out of molehills".