OK Guys -

I've looked at alot of crap for sale this summer. Lots of people out there trying to sell "rare" SS & Malibu cars that have been thrown together - *****boxes like my buddy and I usually refer to them as, or polished turds. So how about a list of shortcuts, mistakes, stupid things, etc. that you've come across when checking out that "totally restored" car? I'll start things off:

1) black paint on EVERYTHING under the hood
2) half the mounting screws are missing from the dash bezel, and the ones that are left are each a different type.
3) the carb return spring is attached to the radiator hose clamp.
4) overspray on all the weatherstripping
5) DA scratches along the window glass
6) the fuel line is twisted like a piece of licorice from someone trying to loosen the fitting
7) the breather hose to the air cleaner is standard heater hose
8) butt connectors everywhere in the harnesses
9) you can fit your finger in the gaps between the body panels
10) flexpipe for exhaust, or flex radiator hoses

PS - Time to get your act together if this sounds like your car!!

My opinion, At any meet the biggest Turds I
have seen were walking around critizing other
peoples rides.

Bob -

This was meant as fun, but it sounds like it struck a personal note with you. If someone is putting their car up for sale, they should be prepared for people to judge it. In addition, if someone is hanging a big price tag on their car and touting it as a really nice piece, and its a piece of crap, then I as a potential buyer have an issue with that, and have a right to be upset and insulted if it wastes my time. The whole point here is misrepresentation, not that every car has to meet some high standard. I've got a car that has some of the very faults I've listed, but when I sell it I won't be telling people that its perfect on the phone. I don't spend my time ripping on people's cars at shows.

Rainer

PS - Would you be happy if you paid someone to work on your car and the result was one of the things I listed? Probably not, because it would be shoddy workmanship.

[This message has been edited by Rainer (edited 10-03-98).]

You both make good points....but I have to agree w/ Bob when it comes to the loud mouth pricks who walk around cars shows and criticize everything they see.....lets face it.....there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to restoring the cars.....show me a supposedly 100 point car and I will find a flaw.....somewhere.

The funniest situation I have come across of some dummy trying to sell a muscle car was at the Corvette Expo in Knoxville a few yrs ago......a rough 70 Chevelle SS....it did appear to be some sort of legit SS car.....big block at that. The car had 396 emblems. The guy selling it was some Hot Rod from Hell type teenager who looked like he crawled out from under a rock and not bathed or changed clothes in days. He kept going on w/ a sales pitch everytime someone walked around his car.....most of them walking around the car, myself included, couldnt help but chuckle and grin.....on the windshield in shoe polish was "70 SS 396, LS6 450HP". http://www.chevelles.com/forum/wink.gif

Shannon

Hey Rainer, when did you see my car?

OK long as we are telling horror stories, I once went to a (all chevy certifacation meet in Deland Florida) well I had one of the judges that had a super counterfit 70 chevelle judgeing my car, naturally I didnt even let on that the car was ripping apart for(door and trunk latches NOT being painted the same color as the car, having 68 doors on a 69( the car is a 300 post car), and writing on the judgeing sheet that "it aint no SS cause it aint got gauges" when questioning the judgeing sheets which this guys car took first place I was told that the judging sheets were confidential and all decisions were final. I then got ahold of the Pres of the hosting club which was some kinda Corvette thingie, he said he would check it out and get back with me later in the week, well about 3 weeks later I recieved a check for my entry fee and a best of show award, and the judgeing sheets,(which I take along with me sometimes just for laughs, anyway,just goes to show that we do this hobby to please our selves and wat we with our own 2 hands can build, where the hell was i going with this???? I guess to each their own and If u are happy with your car dont worry bout other people I think that is wat I learned Good Luck POPS

I can add a couple...
11)B-O-P Rallys
12)Coat hanger exaust hangers
13)speaker wire as part of the underhood harness
14)fender rub "whitewalls"
15)paintfade to dark in rear courtesy of Pennzoil
16)Silicone "icing" over windshield moulding
this is fun... anybody else?
By the way, I'm forced to admit to a few of these myself

Here's a couple I have done for awhile on a particularly nast 84 buick I had the misfortune to drive. http://www.chevelles.com/forum/smile.gif Pluggin any hoses off the carb with screws (ALWAYS a favorate) Duct tape on the apholstry rips (..it's kind of like a cover) No hoses to the windshield wipers (COME ON! SPEND A DOLLAR AND PUT THESE ON PEOPLE!) Rags on either gas tank or radiator (I'VE SEEN IT ON BOTH..WHAT ARE YOU THINKING MAN!) And last but not least..please, don't feel the urge to put 4X4 or FUEL INJECTION on a car that everyone KNOWS it's not. Yes, we know you think you're trying to be funny but it's NOT! http://www.chevelles.com/forum/smile.gif

Out here in So. Ohio it gets much worse than that. Wood bumpers, bondo bodywork that is not sanded, one way big tire on one corner only, windshield cracks clear across, and my favorite, 3 inch exhaust pipes out the back with only one hooked up. We love our cars, but beer money comes first, seems like. anon

While looking for an old muscle car a couple of years ago, a co worker told me that he had a really nice 69 charger in his garage that was almost complete and that i could steal it for $2000 to $1500. When i went to look at it i found the only thing "complete" was the idiot who was trying to sell me the car. It had NO TRUNK! No tires, no interior, no gas tank etc...... It was the shortest visit i'd ever made to look at a car. I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Last i heard the car was still in the garage and the wife was on his butt to get rid of it.
kevin d

Here's a short list of things we found on a recent purchase of a 70 chevelle.
1. Many butt connectors in wiring harness
2. Toothpick in horn button connection holding wire in(plastic was broke)
3. Coat hanger holding headlight on (no spring)
4. coat hanger holding radiator to radiator support.
5. 70 has 4 headlight trim rings 2 left 2 right. This car had 3 right and 1 left.
6. Ford Blue engine
7. Many missing and wrong screws and lot of other things not yet discovered.

That fact that this car was pieced together by someone not familiar with restoration just makes it more fun to see it take shape and start looking like it should. I agree with Rainer that it makes me mad to look at what was advertised as a "Restored Car" and find a shabbily pieced together junk car. The seller of this paticular car did not advertise it as "Restored" and admitted that he was not a mechanic.

Absolutely true;
My wife knew a little old lady with a 57 two door Chevy for sale, partially restored, new paint - $2500.
When I got there out of breath from rushing, found; Two doors (per side), all the bent up chrome trim in the trunk (partially restored), and brush painted with lots of bad runs and brushmarks (over the rust),
I ran away faster than I did getting there.

How about rags filling the really big holes behind the inch of bondo???
Plywood under the carpet to keep the seat from falling through??
Lots of undercoat to cover various nasty things??
Metric bolts forced into Chevy parts???
Tubes in tire to hold air in torn carcass???
Clothes hanger antennae??
Sawdust in differential for noise reduction???

OH yeah; the old "hole beaten in the floorboard" to install a floor shifter - tin snips, chisel and hammer.

my ex-girlfriend drove a mercury cougar with the board under the seat so she didn't fall through. But the thing that was the funny was she had a bad oil leak and when she looked under the hood, somebody stuffed their pants in various engine locations to stop it. She kept telling me "Look! I found more pants!"
HAHAHAH! http://www.chevelles.com/forum/smile.gif

I went to look at a '69 Chevelle a couple weeks ago. The ad said "started restoration, many extra parts, $900.00". So I called the guy up, he said it was a complete car and they had one fender off and started to replace some of the floor pans. So needless to say, I drove out to look right away. The only reason the fender was off was because it had a big dent in it (kinda like it was in an accident). The new floors ended up being sheetmetal (the type you can buy in a small roll) screwed to the floor in various places. The frame was rusted in half back by the rear axle. The only interior parts he had (which was supposed to be a complete car) was some bucket seats out of who knows what kind of car.I could go on forever.

Oh well, I knew by the price it was to good to be true.

I did a rear quarter panel job on both sides of my 71 (New England SUCKS). When I cut off the right side (which had been previously worked on) I found the old quarter was repaired with news paper, aluminum foil, socks, and a STOP sign. I kept the stop sign. I HATE driving 2 hours to look at a $500 chevelle that 'needs a little work', just to find a completely non-road-worthy rotted 3500 lb paper weight. Then after looking it over for 30 seconds and seeing the cracked frame, missing floorboards & trunk, and 307 2bbl, proceede to tell the owner he's on crack, he tries to give it to me for FREE!

Not as bad a story as previous posts, but... My rear 1/4 on my 70 SS was "repaired" with old newspaper print plates, wire mesh, and tons of plastic filler and then the entire car painted purple of all colors! Car was originally cranberry red with white stripes. Good thing I found this gem (everything else in really good shape original and with the original L34 396/350 engine)before anyone else did. It must have been the ugly purple color that warded off true chevelle enthusiasts wanting to buy it. Luckily I came across this near-perfect SS when I did. Complete frame-off resto almost complete... Next year, I'll be cruising a true classic the way it was meant to be from the factory.

I have a good one...Purchased a 66 SS for a restoration project. Here are some of the things the previous owner (a hack) did;

* Wrong Z-bar for clutch was used. It didn't fit right so the firewall near the steering column was modified with a cutting torch.
* Speakers glued into the AC vent balls.
* Welded the chassis mounts for the motor to the frame.
* Coil spring helpers on the front to cure the spring sag.
* Stick on aftermarket chrome trim was used where the tail light rear panel alum. strips should have been.
* A toggle switch for the directionals.
* Bondo so thick on the driver's door that it was easier/cleaner to chisel it off rather than grind it.
These are just the major ones. But it's still a Chevelle!!
T

thank god for grandmas garage!!!! i will never do this crap to my 71. i had a fit when i had to skim the doors because of other people not controling the doors on their cars and dinged the crap out of my 71. but i have been very lucky to recieve this car in the shape it is in! i do appreciate this post especially for i am NO mechanic but will rack my brains out to do a correct job! the only horror story of my chevelle is that in 83 my 71 was hit in the drivers front fender the body shop that did the work went to a junkyard and got a fender for a 71 malibu and put it on good looking job but
WHERE THE HELL IS MY 350 EMBLEM!!!!! drill 3 friggin holes asswipe and put it on the new fender!!! DAMN!!!! sorry i neede to vent this emblem thing has plagued me ever since ive had the car (sept) almost ready for paint ;) Brian

Hey you guys... Don't forget the original 69 SS Chevelle, (from a certain dealer in old muscle cars!) "ALL original" SS 396 with original "350" cu in motor!!!?? Owned by a collector that never drove it!!! It could be yours!!! I don't know about used car guys. Glad I didn't drive all the way out to see the "original" SS! Someone would have been sorrier than me.

i once came across an "all original" 71 SS350 on a Local used lot. i guess all original is Cragar rims, metallic teal paint, The black spray bomb underhood resto, and the best of all, was the 2x4 and bungee cord holding the battery in place. The 2x4 was in place of the battery tray. All your for only 12,900. I was worth the drive just to stump the chump working at the lot. i could have told him it had a HEMI or a flathead and he would have agreed. Mat

I remember visiting a certain used car dealer up around Seattle, about 1990, seeing a 69 Nova, with SS emblems, tubbed, caged, etc. The salesman told me it was "set up for a big block", but it had a worn out looking, oil leaking smallblock, 2 row radiator, worn out front suspension, drum brakes up front, the list goes on and on... I grilled the salesman on these subjects, and he had an answer for all of them. Then I spied a wrecked 70 SS Camaro in the corner, 396 in it, a few bolt-ons, they wanted $1000 for the engine/trans... Went back a year later, saw same Nova, took a look at it, had a 396, 4 row radiator, disc brakes, hmmm, but still didn't appeal to me enough to drop $6000. Guess they've seen a lot of potential customers like us, who've seen enough of those hack jobs, walk away, and, just maybe, they sold that car, after paying a little more attention to it. I'm not knocking these guys. This is a musclecar restorer/collectors dream car lot. We're talkin' 3 66 SS396's, all red, 1 'vert, sittin on the lot at once, alongside a butternut yellow 65/283/pg SS, and many more. I keep them in mind, for the day I go looking for my next project, hopefully a 67 SS396. I just hope they remember the lesson the Nova taught them. Just my $.02

I bought my 70 chevelle malibu last year here in Calgary, Alberta for $5500 (Canadian). I thought that was a hell of a deal. After checking the body over and mechanical aspects, I decided to purchase it. Took it home and started ripping it appart. The body was in perfect condition (from the last frame off performed back in early 80's) except for the rocker panels, and floor. Finished the floor about 3 months ago (just patch panels), and the new rocker panels are in the garage waiting for their turn. Anyways, I ripped out the little 307 (ran good but not the same as a 454)and gutted the engine compartment, and as I noticed while doing all this work, all the bolts for everything were only hand tight. This scared me, and I am glad that I have not driven this car at all (except to get it home about 3 miles). Obviously the car was put together in a big hurry. I guess that big sad sappy story of how he and his father had "RESTORED" this car was a big crock of *****. Oh well, I figure the $5500 bucks (approx. $3575 U.S.) I paid for the "BODY" was worth it conidering the shape it was in.

Just my little soap opera I thought I would share.

L8R. Fantastic site, eh.

*LMAO*
Hey guyz,
Dunno if I'm a hack or what....but did most of this stuff to my rustang back in late 80's. Decided to move on to real cars...started looking for a chevy muscle car. Had my heart set on a camaro, but fell in love with my '72 SS. Dunno if 350 is original, but looks, runs, and sounds good...works for me. Just an overview- No body damage, pans have minimal rust, complete original interior, hole in dash for DIN sized radio...looks like they did it with a coping saw while drunk and laying on their back while gulping another cerveza, wiper fluid tubes glued to grill on cowl hood, many screws blocking vacuum tubes, bungee cord battery strap, pull handle welded to hood release and sticking out the middle of the grille, don't know what the front discs came off of yet, 6 pairs of spring extenders on rear springs(complete with air shocks), 3 pair on front springs, etc., etc., etc....
When taking delivery of car, I asked for the keys. He hands me a standard screwdriver and sez 'Here chu go, Ese.' I can still smell the cerveza on his reath. But HEY! What can you expect for $1400...

I just hate it when the $1500 body & paint resto consists of a skim of bondo, and the mouldings were just pulled off and discarded and replaced with glue on generic mouldings. Cheesy. Or when it's too much trouble to fix a moulding clip, just drive a sheet metal screw straight through it into the body. Don't bother to make sure the moulding is straight. Stop Chip is another sign of 'quality' bodywork. How about nameplates purposely placed in the wrong spot?

Yes, the same guy has worked on my cars too! There's the hole drilled through the door and doorpost with a nail inserted for the latch, the volkswagen I owned with mismatched wheel bolt patterns because it had the wrong transaxle in it, or the 64 Impala that, after I began to suspect it really ought to be stopping little easier, I pulled the rear drums off of and found only a small vise grip to keep the E-brake cable from getting tangled up but no brake shoes, radios wipers or headlights that only work if you twist the yallow wire to the green wire and hold it like so as you drive, or how about the 54 chevy pickup I had that was retrofitted with a bench seat that had to be blocked up in the middle with assorted wood scraps to keep it from bending and sagging in the middle, then there is my current ride a 72 Malibu, the guy I got it from was so sick of it that he willingly traded this sharp looking lemon yellow beauty to me for my beater 71 Ford F-100, when I got the car it made horrendous clanking sounds at an idle; the torque converter bolts were loose, it would rarely start when it was hot; the negative battery cable was bolted to the eaxaust manifold; the slightest bump caused the front crossmember to scrape the ground because the front springs had been cut with a torch, it sagged to one side because of a missing bolt in the rear anti-sway bar, the front seat tipped if you leaned back against it because it wasn't bolted down, and on and on and on. Yes, I know that guy. I buy all my cars from him and just when I get all the bugs worked out, I get bored with it and sell it.

Here's a couple more (that I shamelessly admit to- desperation IS the mother of invention): Oak sapling about 4" thick to repair a broken leaf spring on an ancient old Ford 4X4. Snapped miles from any pavement on way to mining claim. Chained in the green oak branch and finished our trip. It worked so good, it was 6 months before it got fixed right!
Did you know that the exaust valves from an old 170" Ford 6 cyl fit a FWD Buick 1.8L? I didn't either till my wife's '85 Skyhawk burned one. Man, I was so broke all I could afford was a head gasket and had $7 bucks left when I hit the junkyard hoping to find a scrap head they would let me cannabilize. No luck on the 1.8 Buick head, so desperation kicks in and I start comparing my toasted example to everything that's un- bolted. I couldn't beleive it when I found that old Ford head, this just might work! The only mod was to take about .100" off the end of the stem (these buicks run lash caps), everything else was identical. I traded that car at a lot a couple years later and I still see it on the road now and again. Thankfully, things aren't that desperate anymore! http://www.chevelles.com/forum/smile.gif Bryan

Hey Brian, I got your story beat. I was driving home just last week when I noticed my engine temp was at 700 and oil pressure was -50. I pulled over and decided that the engine was trashed so I pulled it out with my bare hands. Looking around, I found a few good mice by the side of the road and put them to work under the hood. Those little guys huffed and puffed and took me all the way home. Once home I thought to myself, "those mice did such a great job of moving my Malibu, I wonder how a rat would do?" So the very next day I went down to the local pet store and picked up a shiny new rat. The Malibu now run's consistent 12 second quarter mile times and is much more environmentally sensitive. I just hope I don't get pulled over by the fuzz (animal rights people). http://www.chevelles.com/forum/wink.gif

[This message has been edited by Joshua (edited 10-25-98).]

Why do I get the impression you don't beleive me Joshua? I wouldn't Josh ya...I told these storys on myself in the spirit of this thread. They're true, go down to your local wrecking yard and compare for yourself! It's neither here nor there anyway since it's not Chevelle related. So what's your Malibu run- 12 MINUTE quarters?

Hey Brian, I believe you. I was just having a little fun. But I've gotta go now cause I've got work to do on the rear end of my car-- I got this hot tip that if I fill up the diffrential with water the car will really hook up! I'm just not sure if I should use sparkletts or evian. Maybe I'll stick with the American stuff.