A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently not even aware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman,
"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't.
He just walked in the door.":):)

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged
himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
That her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of
execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU
EVER STOP?!
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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful
and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to
stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them
thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did
not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm
starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck
between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you."

l:)

Mike, Wally, quit it. Good shot.