Ok, I've been with my new family for about two months now. Everyone is getting used to one another now, and the attitudes are starting to come out. I just had to lower the boom for the first time on my 5 year old. She wouldn't stop whining about eating her corn last night for dinner, so I fixed the problem. I warned her twice, and when she continued on, I picked her up brought her to her room and made her change for bed. I told her now she didn't have to worry about finishing her dinner, because she was going to bed right now. She finally fell asleep after about two hours of whaling like wolf in heat. Today, my 9 year old thought it would be fun to let the dog rip BOTH of her coats, and my 11 year old refuses to do her chores and then complains when she gets grounded. My fiance continues to be very supportive and says I'm doing fine. I love them all, but days like the past few, really are a test to my endurance.

All in all, I'd rather be in the desert right now being shot at. At least there, I knew what to do. I'm a little out of my element here. It was a rough weekend. Any advice from you seasoned veterans?

I think maybe I'll watch "The Pacifier" again tomorrow.

Alan...show patience, explain yourself, and always love them more than you punish them...You'll make friends that will grow with you..I work with kids and it always seems to be personal issues from broke home and situations from it. Hang in there..I promise the hard times come with many more rewards..:thumbsup:

Hey Alan, sounds like most of it is normal 'bounds testing' and the other normal kids stuff. The 11 y/o is Definitely a normal thing-having 2 daughters (23 & 14), believe it or not, at 11, the mood swings are starting. My 12 y/o son is SO much easier than either of his sisters, except when he just doesn't THINK before doing something.

Yep-sounds like normal kids :D Have a drink / go shooting / go for a jog / and after you've blown off the stress, give them all a big hug and tell them you love them.

Glad ur not getting shot at now, and thanks.

When it comes to eating I never forced my kids to eat anything they did not want to. I made them try it but if they hated it I did not force the issue. If your body requires something that is in a particular food, I believe you will aquire a taste for it. Ask my kids what they will not eat today. Sarah will say spinach and Chris will say turnip. And thats about all they will not eat. Keep in mind that as an adult, you do not put anything in your mouth that you hate the taste of. Why would you expect your children too?
Don't worry pal. You'll get the hang of it!
By the way, you don't have to tell us you love them...... tell them.

x2 on everything above.

I don't make my kids eat what they don't want. I DO make them at least take a bite before saying they don't like it.

Whining about eating is grounds to go to bed early. :D

I was never good with kids and when the grand kids arrived I needed to change a bit so my wife made me watch that show super nanny and I hate to say it it helped a whole bunch now its so much easier to deal with the kids and they will respect you and make your entire family live at peace.

I tell them all everyday, sometimes many times a day that I love them. I think they're starting to believe me. I had a rough childhood and don't want to inflict the same punishments, but at the same time, I don't want to be a push over. The 9 year old already heard the NCO voice and responds quickly to it. I had to use it to get her attention at a high school basketball game the other night. I'm pretty sure everyone else in the gym heard the NCO voice as well. It got a little quieter in there and I noticed quite a few people staring at me. ......oops. At least she turned around and came back. I believe in lots of hugs and kisses and "atta girls" for good things, but even Mom got frazzled this weekend. whew. It was a rough weekend. We just put the girls to bed and gave them all their good night hugs and kisses. (at their request) I guess all is being forgiven. I'm trying to reason with them. The 11 year seems to get it, but then goes on her merry way and does her own thing again. Whew. It was a rough weekend. Thanks for the advice. This is one area I will NEVER say I don't need help in. ANY advice is welcome.

.............it was a rough weekend. I'm glad it's Monday tomorrow.

Don't forget to let be kids, they only get one chance to do it.

Hey Alan, You might want to change this!! LOL
"Don't listen to me, what do I know? I've only been doing this for 30 years."

Let kids be kids, be fair and stern, and remember when not if he mess up, rmember they are kids and arent necessarily doing it on purpose. But remember you can be friedly with your kids, but they dont need another friend, they need a dad.

Trust me when I say you really dont wish you were being shot at instead of being with your family, it is just an unfamiliar situation and you will grow into it. My neices definately show that they mised out on on their dad being around for their teens, as he did not come back from over there, and one is rebellious and the other i believe is keeping it pent up and doing lots of stuff to keep her busy.

Thank you for your service, be their for your kids and love them for who they are.

I suck at parenting or so Iam told by the kids here. I grew up in a very strict enviroment. and maybe some times I yell more then I should but two things I never do I never hit and I never stop telling the kids that I do infact care about them and love them.

Sounds like you did resonably well. Each child is different and you just need to find out what works best for the child. Just be very sure never to do anything when angry or upset with them. You need to be the adult and make appropriate decisions and actions. It really is a learn as you go process.

Someone said they never forced their kids to eat. I came up in a different era and it followed me into raising my kids. You ate what was put in front of you or you didn't eat!
Then my wife expanded the issue like I never imagined with our daughter.(1st child)
Have you ever seen the look on a 6 year old's face when she comes to the breakfast table to find a plate of spaghetti from last nights supper?
Never ever had a problem with her eating ever again!:thumbsup:

The honeymoon is over, let the testing begin! You are new to their little family and they were not sure of you at first. Now they will start challenging you to see how far they can get!
Have patience and and stand your ground, if you give in they will feel empowered. Kids can be harder to control than adults in some ways! Relentless comes to mind!:D

Here's something that hasn't been said yet.

Don't let them EVER see that they have "gotten to you". No matter what, even if you are in uncharted waters, act like you know EXACTLY what you are doing, and keep all of the aggression to yourself. Some kids, like my older one, do things on purpose to get someone riled up. Find ways to still give them a choice, but between two things that are acceptable by you, even if the two choices have to be take it or leave it.

AND WHEN YOU SPANK OUT OF ANGER, YOU BOTH LOSE.

Alan...show patience, explain yourself, and always love them more than you punish them...You'll make friends that will grow with you..I work with kids and it always seems to be personal issues from broke home and situations from it. Hang in there..I promise the hard times come with many more rewards..:thumbsup:

GREAT insight here.. All I can add is that you do have to stay firm with them or they will continue to test the limits to how far they can push.. I will admit that at times I come off as a hard arse to my boys, but then I make sure to give them praise when they deserve it.. we have a great relationship, but the hardest thing to hear from your kids is the "I hate you" line that you will get at some point in time, they don't mean it, it's just the anger talking..

Hang in there, trust me, it's better then being shot at!!

Heres how you cure them of their whining. Put them in a car drive west. When you get close to Phx give me a call and I'll start dinner and have you guys over. Then your girls will see some high octane whining. Especailly from the 7yr old. Once they see someone else do it more than they do it, usually it opens their eyes and cures them or drastically reduces it. :D

I really can't add much to what has already been suggested...seems like most Chevelle owners are not only smart about their cars, but also about parenting too...My little girl was not too headstrong, but still had to be spanked from time to time....but i always made sure to pick her up, sit her in my lap, hold her close and tell her daddy was only correcting her out of of love. Thru all the tears and sniffles, i constantly reassured her i loved her and wanted her to grow up to be a woman we would be proud of......She's 37 now, but still tells me how she remembers the talks and expressions of love more than the spankings......When she says that, i can't feel any prouder....maybe i wasn't such a lousy parent after all....always temper the discipline with words of encouragement, kids need it more now than ever......i promise, it will be worth it:thumbsup:

My experience with kids is that they were easy (even though it seemed hard going through it) until they were 12 or 13. If you think they can be difficult now wait until they become know it all teenagers. I'm on my third teen now. A stepdaughter. Raised her since she was 4. Raised a stepson from the age of 4 and he is 29 now. My natural son who is 25 who was very rebellious when he was a teenager and to make a long story short, was given the advise by me to join the Army when he hit rock bottom which he did a short time later. Then the Iraq war started and he had his boots on the ground over there in six months. He hit an IED on his first tour and got shot on his second tour. He told me last summer what a good father I was and that he was sorry for all the grief he caused when he was a teen. I have an 11 year old now. I don't make him eat anything that he doesn't want to either. I notice as he gets older he tries more things and likes them. When the kids were younger and they would be ornery I would ask myself if I did something like that when I was a kid. A lot of the time I was more onery. As far as spanking them it didn't seem to do any good on the first 2. Even though now they say they deseved every spanking they got. I have never spanked either of the kids now. I get told all the time what a great kid the 11 year old is. And the 16 year old is a straight A student. But she has a mouth on her.

We always said that they had to eat the nuimber of corn - peas - any small vegetables that they did not like. Eventually, they either learned to like of grew up still disliking peas. Saved on the huge battle..... not worth forcing tears and stuff.

We never forced Lindsay to eat anything she didn't like,of course I didn't exactly set a good example. So,what can I say? Even my wit and sarcasm rubbed off on her.:yes:

I'll drop my 2 cents in, sounds like everything is normal to me. I have twin 6 year olds and a 8 year old and as wild as it gets you'll look back and laugh about the bouts your family has. My wife is the passive one and she helps keep me straight. Any time I have to scold one or all of them I make sure to hug them and tell them how much I love them.

Heck I learned something this weekend, my youngest 6 year old will not give in for anything. But I told her I was upset with her and she gave in shortly after.Every child is different, and they are the biggest head ache you'll ever ENJOY! Hang in there, its worth it.

Put it like this, just about the time you think you have got your kids all figured out, they are leaving home!:D

I laugh because my youngest son (31) has an issue eating peas... but he must because his girls all look at him to see what he is doing. He hates peas but must eat them.

I laugh because my youngest son (31) has an issue eating peas... but he must because his girls all look at him to see what he is doing. He hates peas but must eat them.

Your youngest son is 31? Wow and I thought I was old !:D

You are... you got a late start in life. I was much more advanced than you were. :D

Are you not a Spartan? Just kick them into the big round pit. :D

Sorry I don't have any advice to give, no kids.

Ha! Pit with fire... dancing... rock & roll music....

Good advice... don't have kids....

If the kid won't eat, then just tell them that's fine, but you'll have to eat it later when you get hungry. Save it for them, give it to them for breakfast the next day.

You're not supposed to put them to bed as punishment. That will make them not want to go to bed normally. I've used it on occasions, tho.

Hang in there, be patient, be consistent. You'll get mad, they'll get mad. Hopefully, everyone will survive. :) If parenting was easy, everyone would do it. Oh, wait... :D

Well, here it is Monday. There must have been some weird fog over Missouri. My boss said he and his family were having problems as well this weekend. When I got home, my 5 year old came running up and hugged me and wanted me to pick her up for a "big squeezy hug". I guess everything is ok. I really appreciate all the advice. I'll use it ALL, believe me. I didn't mind getting shot at, but given the choice, I'll take a big squeezy hug any day :D

First of all, Welcome Home Alan, and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!
When it comes to kids, there is no easy road... think back to when you were a pup and challenging the alpha male.... :boxing: just a part of life, just use your head and don't let their little quirks get to you...... :beers:

Put it like this, just about the time you think you have got your kids all figured out, they are leaving home!:D

Im not a parent but thats a great quote lol

Alan, Sounds like you got alot on your plate right now, don't ever be affraid to seek the professionals that can help get you through this. If you arn't there yet try something on your own, QB Drew Bledsoe's father Mac, wrote some books on parenting one that fit's most everones need is "Parenting with dignity". It has some good stuff inside the covers.

Good luck and hang in there, and thanks for protecting my freedom!

http://www.parentingwithdignity.com/ :thumbsup:

Hey Alan,
Welcome home and thanks for what you have done. Things will get better with time. Tell them often how much you love them. Please don't act in anger, walk away till you calm down. Anger is a by-product of where you have been. I have been home for 4 years last month and things DO get better. Make sure you get into the VA medical system. They have a priority for OEF/OIF veterens and tho you may not need them now, you will later and then you'll have to wait. Maybe some mental health guidance? We all need help sometimes dealing with the demons from the desert.
Take car and PM me if you want info.

Marc:beers::beers: