Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"

l:)That made my day!

Good one Jim.:thumbsup:

A+ for you Jim! That wat great

Ha! Nice read first thing in the A.M.

Funny stuff!

Mike

Ha! Nice read first thing in the A.M.

Funny stuff!

Mike

He made the words nice and big so you could read it.:D

He made the words nice and big so you could read it.:DAnd I made it 3rd grade level so Gary could understand it!l:)

And I made it 3rd grade level so Gary could understand it!l:)


Thankyou.

That was pretty good. I especially like the last line. :thumbsup:

I got to save that,,

I needed that today

Thanks

Good one.:D

well, gosh! No wonder I could read it without wearing my contacts! I thought I was sitting too close to the monitor!

"chunky dunk"

lmao

good stuff. :D

Outstanding!

Answers
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Change your priorities now!


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.This is what you get for being selfish.


I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it
So I said "Implants?" She hit me. You are getting old! I would have guessed “D” cup

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and fifty for Miss America?It’s hard enough for those in Florida to get it right with just two choices.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" :yes:

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! got to think on this one somemore

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." LG

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.enough said

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !! NO! they you would be :boring:

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?because they also teach them HOW to read in Prison

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever. Is this one of those Confucius sayings?

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building? because someone working their does not like being reminded their doing wrong?

I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.I've got to hurry up and finished this post then

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"THANK TO ALL AMERICAN SOLDIER PAST AND PRESENT FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!