I just called a performance parts supplier with a question, and got put on hold with the "consumser information network". Heck, I just wanted to talk with a tech guy. Companies try too hard to sound really sophisticated, to the point of sounding stupid.

I am a technical salesguy, but my company calls me an "Account Executive". And they call our applications engineers "Solution Consultants". Is anyone impressed with these titles? Cuz when I hand someone a business card, and they start to smirk or giggle at my title, I always have to say, "yeah, Account Executive is a little ostentatious, I am just your buddy at the company".

I also hate other more "important sounding" words used when something simple will do. Like some knucklehead saying, "let's leverage our relationship with them". How about, "let's use our relationship with them"... Delayerize... Human resources... Synergies...

OK, I feel better.

"let's leverage our relationship with them". How about, "let's use our relationship with them"

This translates to "let's screw them over and leave them holding the bag!"

I've noticed another trend lately - to stretch a word out into multiple words as an attempt to sound more sophisticated, I guess.
I saw a job description saying "Collaboratively work with product management....."

Hello McFly, "collaboratively work with" = "collaborate with"

That's why I'll never make it in management. I can't talk all that hot air, and I can't stand listening to it.

An executive can speak for half an hour and never actually say anything. It kills me.

Tim.

Reminds me of the "The Office" episode when Dwight got his big promotion from "Assistant to the Regional Manager" to "Assistant Regional Manager". :D

I used to be an Environmental Specialist 25 years ago for St. Joseph Hospital. When I got to work I mopped the same freakin 3 floors for 4 buck an hour.

My title at work: Functional Analysis Analyst :rolleyes:

I'm not kidding, this is my official company title.

Someone in management who went to a Harvard business seminar came up with a new program for evaluating new business opportunities, to determine if the new customer potential is a good investment of marketing and sales dollars. We have a checklist, and have rate various things like if our product is a good fit, if they are interested in on-site support, stuff like that.

Somehow, this program to precisely identify good potential customers got inadvertantly named the "zebra" program. What does zebra have to do with anything in business??? I did a little surfing about zebras, and found that evolutionary scientists think that the species developed stripes as self defensive mechanisms. When a bunch of zebras stand together, the mass of stripes confuses predators, so they can't decide which one to attack or run after. And the zebras stand a little better chance of survival.

Therefore, calling a precision selected customer a "zebra" is seriously ironic. But I sure ain't gunna point it out in a management meeting... :noway:

Secretary is now "Administrative Assistant"

I like the Senior Vice President title in the banking world, which really means "Senior Account Officer". :wacko:

Account Officer is now "Relationship Manager"

I see right through all the b.s. titles though :) . Catchy titles mean nothing, other than someone in HR got paid a wad of cash to come up with them.

And to think, it all started with "Resident Stationary Engineer"!:D

its amazing how many Letters they can apply to a title..... to keep from adding Cash to the Pay scale :yes:

Years ago I was the warehouse manager for a ceramic tile wholesaler in Vancouver. We opened up a second branch in Kamloops BC and a third in Edmonton and me and a couple salesmen were joking around about job titles. I made myself a cardboard sign and taped it to my office door just for laughs. My new title???

Western Canadian Regional Distribution Manager. :D :D :D

My title at work: Functional Analysis Analyst

So if your functionally anlayzing more than one analysis do you become a Functional Analyses Analyst?

And my title is Technical Services Coordinator - translate that into Warranty Guy! Always fun to try and explain what you do based on your "title".

i work at a company with maybe 30 employees total- we mainly make parts and sub assemblies out of steel and stainless for other companies like Bobcat, JLG, Case New Holland, etc.
i run a flat laser- i forget what my actual job title is, but i put steel on a bed and push a few buttons to make the laser cut the steel- i'm a machine operater. but my job title has something like 5 words, and a 3 page job description that is chock full of HR buzzwords.
anyways, a couple of years ago they decided to hire an HR guy to take the hiring and what not out of the hands of the father/son owners of the company. this guy knows how to proactively leverage every word in his fancy HR dictionary to say a lot of words without actually ever saying or committing to anything. and he likes to promise the world, then say "well, i didn't get it in writing, so i must not have said that".
and his ways are spreading throughout the office staff...
nobody in the shop likes him or the work environment he has created, but the memos he posts can be a source of many hours of enjoyment when we should really be watching the flat lasers or welding stuff together or something. sometimes, it takes 5 of us just to attempt to figure out that the new memo of the week is essentially saying to work safely, just like the one from last week, and the one from the week before that.

My job title?

Production Design. I'm a Drafter. And to most people that dont really know, I'm an Engineer, even though I dont have a stamp or degree. If somebody from accounting needs some help, they go to "The Engineering office and talk to an engineer." They dont say "Oh I have to run to the Production Design office to talk to a Production Designer."

So if your functionally anlayzing more than one analysis do you become a Functional Analyses Analyst?

Would a proctologist be an anal analyses analyst?

Would a proctologist be an anal analyses analyst?
everytime my boss gives me directions I feel like I'm a proctologist... I feel like i'm getting directions from an........

How about those Mission Statements? Talk about four or five paragraphs of absolutely nothing but hot air!

The sad thing is, executive types really think they have us all buffaloed.

Back in the 80's working for Audio King I was a "Home Entertainment Specialist"....
Got some funny looks from some, and a LOT of phone numbers from others! ;)

My recent favorite was at a place where I went in and was greeted by the receptionist.... but she had business cards and a plaque that stated (get this):
"Director of 1st Impressions"

How about Senior Obfuscation Analyst? :D
Thats what you need these days to cut thru all the nonsense

A friend of mine who builds grain handling systems got to make up his own title... His business card says "Erection Specialist" under his name. :D

A friend of mine who builds grain handling systems got to make up his own title... His business card says "Erection Specialist" under his name. :D

:thumbsup: X2 :D

I once attended a local college and had to ask where the library was. It was called "the learning resource center" by them. Only 3 words to replace one word.

I dont know how they get this stuff to fly.

in my industry

variable product = risky product, ie you can lose all your investment
apparel = uniform, ie blue shirt, black pants, and yellow tie
non-prime = subprime
b or c paper =subprime
vice president of investments = salesperson who sells you one of about 6 different funds he can choose from
freedom = debt

and why is it that the guy you go to when you want to invest your life savings in the stock market is called a broker?


i didn't think of that- i give credit to George Carlin..

I am Vice President in Charge of Human Interface Development. The guy that works on the other side of the cube wall from me is Executive VP of Drafting and Design. I'm a mechanical designer and he does most of my drawings. The hard ones anyways :D

I prefer to be called "That wacky guy on the 3rd floor that carries his lunch in a kids lunchbox"

K

"its amazing how many Letters they can apply to a title..... to keep from adding Cash to the Pay scale"

I'm afraid it IS turning this around backwards b/c nowadays, they DO add title instead of increase the PAY!!

Want a parking spot for a month??

pdq67

We call those hot air words "bingo words" where I work. Someone made a few 'bingo cards' and we see who gets a bingo first in meetings. :D

i worked for a woman manager, who was a degreed civil engineer..but her business and true business management skills were somewhat questionable. anyway, they sent her off to a week long or two week long business seminar seminar...every other word out of her mouth upon her return was "at the end of the day", god i was sick of hearing her say that, i got to the point where i would just laugh when i heard it coming..