It looks like my daughter is going to divorce her husband. It's no surprise to us, or the grandkids for that matter, its been coming for a while. This weekend he went haywire and said he was going to kill himself, he called me at 2 AM Sunday and I talked to him for a couple of hours until the cops located the hotel he was in and took him to the local psyche ward. Looks like he melted down to a point he will be there for a while. He's decided that killing himself will show the world what a bad person his wife is, no consideration at this time for the kids, his parents, siblings, etc.

My daughter is seeking local legal advise, but I wanted to try and get ahead of the curve. Does anyone know if she can file some type of separation to isolate her from the expenses that are going to be associated with his behavior or other debt he may run up? I am concerned that any equity they have in the house will end up going down the drain to the docs, etc. because of his problem (and refusal to deal with it over the last couple of year which is the root cause for the split) and the position he has put the family in now.

It's going to be hard enough for her to stay a float on one income, we have already figured out she will have to sell the house pay him off his half, outstanding debts and hopefully have enough left to put away for later. She and the kids will probably move in with us for a while so she can finish school and get back on her feet. She was in the process of going back to nursing school. I don't want him going out and running up a bunch of debt until the divorce is finalized just to punish her.

Thanks for any advice.

Patrick,
I think the best thing to do is ask a lawyer who is familiar with the laws of the state where the divorce is going to be filed.

Florida is a state that divides everything (debt wise) right down the middle unless both parties agree on who pays what...I know I am going through a divorce right now. I'm no legal expert so I really suggest you talk to and get advice from a professional. I know that's a generic answer but it's the best way to know for sure.

I would be concerned about her safety as well.

I would get a restraining order of protection, today.

It looks like my daughter is going to divorce her husband. It's no surprise to us, or the grandkids for that matter, its been coming for a while. This weekend he went haywire and said he was going to kill himself, he called me at 2 AM Sunday and I talked to him for a couple of hours until the cops located the hotel he was in and took him to the local psyche ward. Looks like he melted down to a point he will be there for a while. He's decided that killing himself will show the world what a bad person his wife is, no consideration at this time for the kids, his parents, siblings, etc.

My daughter is seeking local legal advise, but I wanted to try and get ahead of the curve. Does anyone know if she can file some type of separation to isolate her from the expenses that are going to be associated with his behavior or other debt he may run up? I am concerned that any equity they have in the house will end up going down the drain to the docs, etc. because of his problem (and refusal to deal with it over the last couple of year which is the root cause for the split) and the position he has put the family in now.

It's going to be hard enough for her to stay a float on one income, we have already figured out she will have to sell the house pay him off his half, outstanding debts and hopefully have enough left to put away for later. She and the kids will probably move in with us for a while so she can finish school and get back on her feet. She was in the process of going back to nursing school. I don't want him going out and running up a bunch of debt until the divorce is finalized just to punish her.

Thanks for any advice.

MAYBE SOME ONE SHOULD READ BACK .. THE VOWS THEY AGREE'd TO..

hit a road bump, bail... ..

cause, bail'n is so much better for the kid's..
the american way, take the easy way out...
nice..
hope .it goes well for the(your )grandkids..
cause ,nether one is thinking of the kids..
hope all goes as planed.. and the kids learn from this..
have an issue, take the easy way out..
cause it's the american way..

peace..

sorry, if you think I'm being mean..
but you are his inlaws...
and we know all the jokes about them..

ask yourself this..
what would you want your son in law to do ,if your daughter, was the one with the problem????

She has an appointment with lawyer this afternoon, I'm just trying to see if anyone has experience.

This is not the first road bump, myself my wife and his mother have been trying to get them to work out the problems for years. They have been married for 16 years and have had problems for the last 10. I will admit that my daughter has been part of the problem at times just because she was so passive and choose to "take it" and withdraw rather than address the issue. She and the kids have been to counseling, he went once, decided that he was ok, not a part of the problem, did not participate again and continued to act out. He has been very passive aggressive, only good news is the abuse was not physical (I would have fixed that long ago), but did fit the pattern of blowup, reconcile and play nice, then repeat. As my daughter has gotten more assertive and confident his behavior has escalated. Daughter has really worked on it for years but he refuses to acknowledge his part in the situation or to participate in any solution except for telling her that she is not trying hard enough or conforming to his view of what the relationship should be. This is not just problematic in his marriage, it shows up in his relationship with fellow workers, friends (none left) and his 9 & 14 year old kids (his philophy is to rule by fear rather that love and respect based on how good a job his dad and mom did on him). We spend a lot of time with the grandkids so they get the balance and support they need.

Thanks for the replies, I guess I'll have to wait for the lawyer information.

MAYBE SOME ONE SHOULD READ BACK .. THE VOWS THEY AGREE'd TO..

hit a road bump, bail... ..

cause, bail'n is so much better for the kid's..
the american way, take the easy way out...
nice..
hope .it goes well for the(your )grandkids..
cause ,nether one is thinking of the kids..
hope all goes as planed.. and the kids learn from this..
have an issue, take the easy way out..
cause it's the american way..

peace..

sorry, if you think I'm being mean..
but you are his inlaws...
and we know all the jokes about them..

ask yourself this..
what would you want your son in law to do ,if your daughter, was the one with the problem????

What kind of advice is that? You don't have a clue about these folks or their past. I'm dealing with the big D after 24 years...you say it's an easy way out...bullfeathers, you're clueless. There is an old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" and to say they are taking the easy way out...the "American way" as you put it. Don't like the American way? Leave, go live in a country that will allow you to just beat them to death...yeah that's so much better. As for the kids, do you think it's better for the kids to be stuck in a home that has nothing but tension? I think not.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.
I too recommend that she seek legal council in your state.

And please ignore the idiots of this world who want to pass moral judgements from a distance.

And please ignore the idiots of this world who want to pass moral judgements from a distance.

Allen,
You said it so much cleaner than I did! Thanks!

MAYBE SOME ONE SHOULD READ BACK .. THE VOWS THEY AGREE'd TO..

hit a road bump, bail... ..

cause, bail'n is so much better for the kid's..
the american way, take the easy way out...
nice..
hope .it goes well for the(your )grandkids..
cause ,nether one is thinking of the kids..
hope all goes as planed.. and the kids learn from this..
have an issue, take the easy way out..
cause it's the american way..

peace..

sorry, if you think I'm being mean..
but you are his inlaws...
and we know all the jokes about them..

ask yourself this..
what would you want your son in law to do ,if your daughter, was the one with the problem????

TAZ, i know what your trying to say, but sometimes things just go bad. my s-i-l just lost a cousin, she was killed by her estranged husband, and then used his daughter as a shield during a shoot out with the police. the girl was wounded, but will live with the memory of her father killing her mom, then being a coward using her as a shield in a fire fight.

sometimes something clicks in people, and they need to be away from people that can be hurt. i agree with the r.o. if this guy is suicidal, you never know what his next click will be, hopefully not to take others with him......

What kind of advice is that? You don't have a clue about these folks or their past. I'm dealing with the big D after 24 years...you say it's an easy way out...bullfeathers, you're clueless. There is an old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" and to say they are taking the easy way out...the "American way" as you put it. Don't like the American way? Leave, go live in a country that will allow you to just beat them to death...yeah that's so much better. As for the kids, do you think it's better for the kids to be stuck in a home that has nothing but tension? I think not.



FACE ,IT..
IN THIS COUNTRY. PEOPLE DIVORCE. LIKE THEY CHANGE CARS..
and no I don't know them or the issues..
but, netrher do you..
it takes two..
sounds like , both are the problem(most times it is)
and both stick to their guns...
a divorce.. sucks for kids...
I know first hand..
you can say till your blue in the face.. that them being stuck with tension.. is not worth it..
but the mindgames both parties will use on the kids .IS WORSE!!!!!!!!!!
AND I HAVEN'T MET A KID THAT DIDN'T HAVE PARENTS THAT PULL THAT CRAP..

sorry, divorce should be the last thing put on the table...

and we are only hearing one side.. the gaughters . from.. daddy..
daddy's little girl , could never do anything wrong!!
again most times ..
it's both.. no one wants to give an inch..and it's always the other one fault/problem..etc

I feel sorry for the kids..
as, dad will have no rights to see them..
and dear old daughter.. will make sure of that, even after he's over the "break down"

sorry.. anyway you slice it.. the kids are the ones that loose...

peace

p.s, I have as much of a clue as you do..
have a nice DAY!!!!!!!!!! :)

Sombody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.
I too recommend that she seek legal council in your state.

And please ignore the idiots of this world who want to pass moral judgements from a distance.
This is uncalled for, since he did solicit peoples' feelings on the subject, and calling someone an idiot is not passing a moral judgement on that person?

FACE ,IT..
IN THIS COUNTRY. PEOPLE DIVORCE. LIKE THEY CHANGE CARS..
and no I don't know them or the issues..
but, netrher do you..
it takes two..
sounds like , both are the problem(most times it is)
and both stick to their guns...
a divorce.. sucks for kids...
I know first hand..
you can say till your blue in the face.. that them being stuck with tension.. is not worth it..
but the mindgames both parties will use on the kids .IS WORSE!!!!!!!!!!
AND I HAVEN'T MET A KID THAT DIDN'T HAVE PARENTS THAT PULL THAT CRAP..

sorry, divorce should be the last thing put on the table...

and we are only hearing one side.. the gaughters . from.. daddy..
daddy's little girl , could never do anything wrong!!
again most times ..
it's both.. no one wants to give an inch..and it's always the other one fault/problem..etc

I feel sorry for the kids..
as, dad will have no rights to see them..
and dear old daughter.. will make sure of that, even after he's over the "break down"

sorry.. anyway you slice it.. the kids are the ones that loose...

peace

p.s, I have as much of a clue as you do..
have a nice DAY!!!!!!!!!! :)

You still didn't give him a bit of advice, just your thoughts on divorce. I will have a nice day and I hope you do the same. Based on your p.s. I am certain that I must not have a clue either! :beers:

Sombody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

NA
JUST HATE TO SEE IT.. WHEN THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED

This is uncalled for, since he did solicit peoples' feelings on the subject, and calling someone an idiot is not passing a moral judgement on that person?

He asked for advice not how people feel about divorce.

:confused:

Taz,
Are you O.K., you sound very bitter about divorce. Divorce happens, not everyone just divorces for the heck of it.

NA
JUST HATE TO SEE IT.. WHEN THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED

We totally agree on that TAZ! Sorry, I am a little baised right now and it wasn't really too nice to say someone is clueless.

I divorced my choke...

Kids can suffer if two people stay together even moreso than if they split. One hurts up front but the other can last a long time. Its like removing duct tape from a hairy leg - do quick and now, hurts for a second. Do it slow and its just prolongs the pain. Never understood it when people say "Stay together for the kids"....if staying together is daily arguing, passive aggressive behavior, living seperate lives in the same house (and the anger and frustration doesnt go away) then whats better for the kids - keeping that angry environment or being civil and apart, removing that variable all together? For the kids argument goes both ways and depends on the situation and people involved.

Best of luck to the family with this, thats all.

and i'll never get back together with my choke and im better off, dammit..

I found out the answer, in Idaho the first party that file for separation sets the date and after that each party is responsible for their debts. I was concerned is was filing date not date he left.

To all that expressed support, thanks I do appreciate it.

Bowtie, I'm going to cut you some slack. Yes she is my daughter and I will do whatever is necessary to preserve her rights in the situation and keep her safe. I will also do whatever is necessary to protect my two grandkids. I will also do what ever I can to get her husband alive if that is what he wants it, Sunday I could have just told him to take the pills and hung up. His family is already starting to pile **** on my daughter, calling her up to find out what she is doing, where she is (his parnoia is that she is seeing someone else), having his sister drive buy 4-5 time a night to make sure she is home. Interesting no one including the father, his mother, sister or others had even asked about the kids, its all about him.

Thats all I'm going to say. I got my answer and I'm going to have a mod close this down.