My wife is an animal lover. I mean REALLY an animal lover. We have 3 cats, 1 dog, 2 birds, 1 guinea pig, and a fish. I like animals too, but I could live with or without a pet.

The problem is that my wife doesn't take care of them. Sure, she'll give them water and food (every couple of days) and take them to the vet for their shots. However, she doesn't do the real work.

The dog needs its ears cleaned every day. I do it 2-3 times per week.

One cat is long haired and needs brushed every day. I do it 2-3 times per week, she doesn't do it at all.

I feed the fish and clean the bowl. We used to have an aquarium and I would have to clean it.

The dog and one cat are overweight. She insists that they always have a supply of food.

She usually guilts me into cleaning the bird cages and kitty litter a couple of times each week. She does it a couple of times each week as well.

Our carpets (thank god most of the house is hardwood) smell like urine from the cats marking their teritory. She'll shampoo the carpets every couple of weeks, but she doesn't do anything to prevent them from doing it again.

One cat doesn't like to use the litter box for #2. I usually end up picking it up. My wife doesn't put forth any effort to retrain her.

We're trying to sell our house, and I know that all of the above is a put-off to potential buyers.

To top it all off, we have to dog-sit my mother-in-law's dog for 2 weeks! My wife guilted me into this since we borrowed some money from her.

She is constantly asking for another pet.

I work 9 hour days plus I have a 3 hour round-trip commute. She is a stay at home mom and the kids are in school 6 hours a day.

She usually keeps the house tidy, but occasionally she gets in a mood and does absolutely nothing all day and I come home to a mess: dirty clothes, dishes, garbage laying all over the place.

I love my wife and I would do anything to please her. How do I approach the subject without her getting upset? Do i suggest that we get rid of some of the animals or that she take better care of them and the house?

Thanks in advance,

Jeez that's a toughy. Most likely anything you say will be taken the wrong way and you will get the silent treatment. You could go on strike and just not do any of those things, but I would be inclined to think that you would just end up with matted cats and poo all over. You could get a monkey and train it to throw the poo at her, but that's a little extreme. So is accidently leaving the door open and professing innocence. Neither of those are conducive to continued marital bliss, I would think. Yikes. I have to say I am at a loss. The cat has my tongue, so to speak.... :D

First I will say I do not envy you. I had a live in girl friend for 3 years who got into fostoring dogs. First just one then 2-3 sometimes. On top of the 4 cats and 4 rabbits at one point. She did all the work and I had to do nothing. It still drove me nuts because the dogs chewed and scratched everything in site. Hardwood floors ruined, wood trim ruined, pee on the carpet etc. It eventually drove us apart. I will say you have one thing going for you. She is a stay at home mom. If it bothers you that much tell her nicely something needs to be done about it. Make her realize this would really make you happy if she took care of these things. She is not working outside the home and she should have time to tend to these things. If she still doesn't have time or doesn't want to, you need to get rid of some animals. But it needs to be one or the other before it ruins your marriage. Good luck!

I know the feeling. Your situation is not unique. I like animals and women, but when the maintenance is all on you, then it is time to make a change. I did.

Who is the "owner" of these pets? Or, who do these critters look to as "Alpha" and are dependant on their food?

I'll go with lindsay on this one. Her job as a "stay home mom" is to take care of business at home. There's no excuse for not having time to do it.

My wife is an animal lover. I mean REALLY an animal lover. We have 3 cats, 1 dog, 2 birds, 1 guinea pig, and a fish. I like animals too, but I could live with or without a pet.

,

Some things you cannot prevent....for instance -

Your wife comes home to find that one cat ate a guinea pig and choked, the other ate the fish and then the dog ate 1 cat. They're buried out back because you wanted to spare your wife the emotional trauma of seeing the terrible carnage you found when you returned from "the store". Then get one more pet to please her and you have reduced the overall pet population by 3. Blame it on animal mayhem and natural instincts.

You gotta work this stuff.

I am sorry - but this really ****es me off.
IF she cannot or will not take care of the animals, and you can't do it all - then give them up to a good home! Find someone who can give them love and attention. Dogs especially need attention, and if you think you will be able to get the marking smell out - well hun - plan on stripping your floors and refinishing all the wood. Just cleaning won't take the smell out.
I am an animal lover also - have 2 rescued doxies that i adore, but it IS constant, it is daily, and they deserve all i can do.
but I also know that i cannot handle more than two.
One of the reasons I can't come to CB this year, noone to take care of my babies and I refuse to put them in a cage again ever.
Three years in one was enough for them.
I hope you can convince her that she needs to help or you just might need to find them a home on your own.
And no - please don't get her anymore animals to ignore.
Don't get upset with me -i am not attacking you nor her in any way...but the animals deserve better. Think of THEM - -not her.
rachael anne

it's time for counseling, first off your wife is putting the animals before you, and if you talk to anybody in the mental health field, your wife is showing signs of mental dishealth, this pet thing will escalate. do you really think these stories you see in the paper, started with a lady buying 50 cats, nope they started the way you are. then you need to sit down and ask why it is you love somebody, who guilts you into things, then why she would put pets before her husband, then you need to know where you stand when you put your foot down, and tell her to cull out the heard.

do not let this escalate, stop it before it's too late. look we have two cats, two dogs, and i'd have an aquarium if i could, but none of my animals releives themselves in my home. bottom line, you take care of the animals you want, she takes care of the animals she wants, and a home is found for any animal that isn't taken care of. if you are happy with the situation, then keep quiet, if not, you better make it clear what you want, cause next you'll end up like a friend of mine, the animals sleeping in his bed, having to make extra plans for taking the pets on vacation, loosing friends, having family ridicule.

pets aren't for everybody (like children), and people get just as addicted to having pets as they do to alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. the way i see it, anything that has a negative effect on other parts of your life, is worth eliminating. drugs effect work, time to stop, drinking affecting your family, time to stop, animals affecting your marriage, time to find homes for them. i cannot impress upon you enough, if you don't come to an agreement, the only person to blame is yourself. there are few things that rank higher than a spouce, pets aren't one of them...good luck, i hope you can work this out.

Wow, that's a no-win for sure, probably should never have started doing the work yourself. Have you ever seen "Designed to Sell" on HG TV?

Watch it and have your wife watch it. They have a realty expert come in to make suggestions for maximizing the price and minimizing the time on the market. The #1 problem they find is the result of pets, stains, and smells.

Use this opportunity to have her get going because there's a BIG financial benefit, maybe even promise her something special after it's sold if you are able to get over a certain price for it thanks to her hard work.

http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/ah_real_estate_selling/article/0,1801,HGTV_3165_2897811,00.html

I would flat out tell her "The're yours, you take care of um if you're going to have them"

Then after you pick yourself up off the floor, go clean the littler box.
But seriously, you do need to say "honey we need to have a talk"

Wouldn't do any good to get rid of any, she would just get replacements.

Sorry for what I am about to say........
But the animals have got to go. I would be absolutely mad as hell having animals in my home that were ruining my house, (your biggest investment).
Plus you say there are children living in this house full of cat urine carpet and a cat that dosn't want to poop in a litter box. I would bet that your house smells a lot worse than you think it does. You have probably grown used to the smells and dont really realize how bad it is. I have friends that have a few too many pets and used to play cards with them on occaision. This is back when I was a smoker and they allowed me to smoke in their house.
I kept a cigarette burning the entire time I was there to not have to deal with the cat urine smell in their home. I refused to visit after awhile, I was just too disgusted. and they had only two dogs, two cats.
Again, I apologize, not attacking you, but you just can't live that way, It is not healthy.

ok, so feed fish to cat #1, Guinne pig to cat #2, Bird to cat #3, open door let cats out (all cats belong in a the barn anyway). Keep the dog cause its the only one thats gonna be on your side anyway.

Nothing worse then the smell of a cat "marking it's territory" We have a female cat it's been fixed, declawed etc. We have had one cat for 12 years. But in those years there have been a few strays show up and want to stay here. The last male cat that showed up peed all over, in the bushes, under the deck, then finally he got in the garage and marked my tool box. He ceased to breather latter that day! IMO you never want two cats in the same house, bad, bad Idea. Cats don't need "friends".