Saw this and laughed a lot. I hope this isn't too racey. It so please remove.

I have been out to eat with co-workers from up north, and we definitely have a different definition of "spicy" here in Texas. :eek:

================================================== =
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have
free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy s%#t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
************************************************** ***

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more
beer when they saw the look on my face.
************************************************** ***

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
s%#t-faced from all of the beer.
************************************************** ***

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
************************************************** ***

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
Admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead
and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her
that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really p#%$s me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

************************************************** ***

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
wipe my a$# with a snow cone.

************************************************** ***

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.
Judge # 3. (Appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.)
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of
lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know
what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful.
Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

************************************************** ***

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of
himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how
he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

Man was that good! I want to post that in my office where people have to be really looking (nosey) to see.

Thomas

I've read that before (many times actually) and I still get a big chuckle out if it. I think this one will be an all time classic.

Rob

Dallas, that was great, just got off the floor from laughing. Reminds me of a guy I knew when I was stationed overseas. Our unit had a small chili cookoff.
Now my wife is from Thailand and it just doesn't seem natural to eat anymore without some Thai chili peppers. This other guy was sitting across the table from me and he starting sweating from the first bowl, by the second bowl his clothes were getting wet. I was looking for some large towels so he could stop dripping into his food. He asked my opinion of the recipes, I told him I thought it was pretty good chili but it would have been a lot better if they had added some peppers and not worried about the young children eating it.

haha Heard it before but it's still funny every time! The best way to tell if a chilli is good is if you tear up with the first bite.

im always suspect of people that claim to like the taste of really extreme tasting S..t chili that is to hot to eat makes you cry and your A$$ hole burn is not fun to eat. i think its some kind of display of extreme masculinity or something. like your not a man if you cant down this beaker of sulfuric acid. there would def be at least one guy who would try. same thing with drinking straight whiskey and other hard liquer get a clue people no matter how much you like it for what ever reason (gets you F..ed up) it tastes like S...t

im always suspect of people that claim to like the taste of really extreme tasting S..t chili that is to hot to eat makes you cry and your A$$ hole burn is not fun to eat.....

I think people who have grown up eating the stuff (like me) probably have some sort of tolerance, and it literally is not as "hot" to us as it is to others.

Some things are an acquired taste where the passage of time increases your tolerance level. My older brother has aquired and developed a taste for very hot peppers. I would die if I even attempted some of the barn burners he likes. One time we were at a Mexican restaurant that had a pepper bar along with a salad bar. As he picked out some peppers one of the waiters got very nervous and warned "no, senor - es mui caliente!!". My brother held the pepper and asked "this?", and then ate the pepper. The waiter looked on and then relaxed when he could see my brother was just fine and not sweating or cursing etc. Then with a smile the waiter pointed out the especial caliente peppers.

Believe it or not, there really are people who can eat some of those hot and wild chili recipies.

Thomas

im always suspect of people that claim to like the taste of really extreme tasting S..t chili that is to hot to eat makes you cry and your A$$ hole burn is not fun to eat. i think its some kind of display of extreme masculinity or something. like your not a man if you cant down this beaker of sulfuric acid. there would def be at least one guy who would try. same thing with drinking straight whiskey and other hard liquer get a clue people no matter how much you like it for what ever reason (gets you F..ed up) it tastes like S...t

As said before, it's more of just what you're used to eating/drinking. To me, a chili or hot sauce just doesn't taste all that great without a good kick. No trying to be manly......just a guy with a stuffy nose;). As for hard alcohol, mixed drinks make me GAG!!! I can't stand Bloody Marys, Mohitos, etc. It's always straight up and I'm happy(and NEVER to get F'ed up, bleh!). Consider me strange, I guess......

Oh......and the joke was Hi Larious:D:D...

Very funny, we are laughing so hard that tears are falling! :thumbsup:

Its a tolerance thing for sure. I can handle things my GF and others cant stand, but I'm no hot head by a long shot. The more you eat, the more you can handle. Start with Jalapenos, and when those get to the point they dont bother you no matter how much, then you can start on the REALLY hot stuff.

But yeah, you pay for it all "in the end".